i had the urge to blog at five a.m.

however, i restrained myself and forced myself to sleep. :)

come to think of,
we know how to read,
we know how to eat,
we know how to breathe,
how to be angry.. and yet..
how do you sleep?

hmm mar..for this question i'd no answer. i just fell asleep after thinking over about everything that there is to be thought about. and so lastly, as i'm waiting for my porridge to get cooked, let me tell you all a story.

starring: me, Nycol, HooiLing, ahShen, Constance
setting: our house 0908, the net (MSN)

this is how everthing started. i'm feeling bored and hanging around here and there. barge into Nycol's room and suddenly everyone except Constance is there. she's sleeping btw and she seldom mix and joke with us so it's just like a normal day. it's around one smthg in the morning and i just finish watching the eleventh episode of smile pasta. am talking to HooiLing about it and stuff. dunno..just crap, gossiping mostly. Nycol was telling us about a bimbo in her class who coincidentally is also a bragger. and knowing that person too, i couldn't agree better. she's not feeling that fine actually, are cooling off from her relationship with her boyfriend. we hear some, talk some, give some advices and joke around lo..

time passes fast. it's three a.m. and i got up and said i really must go and sleep now. i went back my room.

few minutes later, HooiLing came over my room, shhhhhhhhhhhh.. i had no idea what happen. i tot they were joking or smth. and so i go over to her room again. there, in her msn, a message from Constance.

"i noe u four hate me a lot and talk bad things behind my back. i just want to tell you all i'm moving out after this sem and i'l move to the empty room for now"

i was struck dumbfounded. what happen?

my first thought is HooiLing they all playing me. but seeing all of their serious faces i noe this is no joke. we hate her??? and btw, wasnt she sleeping?

HooiLing replied but no more from Constance.

alas we decided, after all we're housemates. shud clear up the misunderstanding no matter what. and we sum up out courage, go over Constance room and ask what's wrong. she wont even see us eye to eye. but we could see there were tears. i really dunno what's going on, to tell the truth. one minutes she's all fine smillng and all, and then sleeping. now, she's there wide awake, teary-eyed as if we whole house of mean girls bullying her. the more we talk, the more she typed. ignoring us completely. she even turn her earphone volume up when we tried to talk to her. so drama-like dun u think?

and so verbal communication doesnt work. we tried msn. i never had her MSN account. others also is they added me, i never bother much about this. and so i used ahShen's laptop, which is only a few centimetres away from hers and talk to her thru msn. not as if she hear anyway. cos whatever i typed got no response. mayb she hated me to core, though i really dunno what had i did wrong.

sooner, i left her room. and back to Nycol's room. she's chatting fine with Nycol. although it's like ten lines versus one line. i tried to talk her into logic, into her senses that we never said anyting bad about her. we din even mention her much in our converstaion just awhile ago. to us, she's quite a goody girl, quiet, gentle and dainty not to forget pretty, your girl-next-door type of girl. so why would we want to hold grudges on her???

and she mention she likes Nycol. and she think Nycol the good compare to the others. she believe Nycol, not us. we are the backstabbers. BACKSTABBERS. u now how sensitive this word is to me.

stoopid f'ck her la..

her sudden emo jiu can simply accuse ppl huh?? since when had i been accused so?? the first time getting accused but for the stooopidest reason.

at first i was feeling sorry for her, and every ready to say sorry for making her misundertand so. and that is why we explain. we typed so much and she just say "whatever la..u all say what jiu wat. dun try to be nice after backstab me. i dun care"

i dun give a shit u care a not..

and now i'm angry. i mean now as in when the thing just happen la.. she's just another unreasonable, spoilt prat. dun talk sense at all. well, i forgot to mention what is the misunderstanding.

misunderstandin 1: she say she heard ahShen said "i hate her very much" and HooiLing replied "aiya..why u hate her so much?"

explaination 1 : they are talking about SMILE PASTA for god sake. they hate RITA. adoiz....

misunderstandin 2: she say sms got wrong meh? keep sms cannot?

explaination 2: she overheard us talking about Nycol's bimbo friend, who brag about how her phone wont stop ringing with sms coming in non-stop even when she's taking her afternoon nap. and she tot we said her keep sms.

btw, anything wrong with keep sms-ing? and her phone dun ring as much compared to us cos she put silent mode. so why do we care? i just wan to tell her "WE DUN CARE! and we arent talking about you all the while at all, CAN U PLEASE DUN SO PERASAN N THINK WE CARE SO MUCH BOUT U???

just because we din close the door while talking, and our voice is so freaking loud n shrill and her door happen to be opened as well, and she so accidentally heard what we're talking and she assume WE ARE TALKING ABOUT HER.

please la..we got nothing better to do? talk about u til three in the early morning?? first u suddenly come and confront us out of blue. now u telling us u dun care what we think and you're moving out btw. what is this? pyscho attack? AND we do not close the door because we got nothing to hide. even if u come and join us that very minute we can still continue because our conscience is clear.

and she mention living with us is suffering. "she had a tough time with us guys"

ok..so she likes Nycol and thus minus her. she's indirectly saying "I HATE JOANNA, HOOILING and AHSHEN"

fine..i heard that. we're a hard bunch. we only mix with brute. i'm so sorry you so unluckily got picked to stay together with us in 0908. AND something i dun understand. i dun even stay at home much. so how can i 'ter-zui' her? weekends i'm mostly not at home, same goes to her. weekdays i'd class whole day. nite i oso seldom show face. SO HOW DID I IN ANY WAYS OFFENDED HER? haih.. really hen nan understand.

so as i'm rolling on my bed at five a.m trying to sleep, i remember flins. always there through quarrels and laughters. never so misundertanded. understandin without even speaking it out. dun even need to try to explain and everything will work out just fine. miss those times when we can meet up and talk long hours, at chng's tv room, Secret Recipe (4pm to 8pm!!), RealJoy (bday RM80 feast) and lots more lots more. come to think of, it's been so so so so long since we last gathered anywhere.

ohhh...i'd been thinking of something else too. what is "i love to make friends"? the next time anyone ask me i'll definetely say no. i dun like to make friends. making friends is so hard i dunno how anyone can say this is their hobbies. and i take back my words. i am not friendly. not at all.

this few days, as i'm thinking, making friend is really damn tough. friends who click off just click off. you dun get friends like that thru making friends. these type of friends can be quite a lot. but those that can really click without even trying to click is those that will last forver. sounds confusin. not sure i understand that either.

haha.. alas, a laugh. :)


p/s: why do i keep blogging about quarreling nowadays? ooops, is misunderstanding. i'm not angry. no no..