at first, i was just thinking of posting crap. again. but on a deeper thought, i feel like writing more. i can have so many faces and attitudes and feelings towards all types of different people. people who i respected, people who i hated or just cant stand.
i can be so totally different sometimes that it scares me.
*the crazy part of me*
i was just planning to update you people on my stupid short fringe. okay. i asked the barber to cut it myself, on my own accord. but i regret about it later k.. yaya, you can say serve me rite.
besides, so what if chng and wong had a date? we had too rite? my lovely pan? haha..
my only purpose posting this picture is to kek chng. haha.. i am that crazy and ... had nothing better to do. that would best describe my situation now.
*now, the normal part*
oh, i think this is when i'm normal, as in real NORMAL.
response when people talk to you.
reply when people msg you.
laugh when people tell a joke.
listen when people talk.
look to other eyes while talking.
do everything which normal people did everyday.
very simple, plain and normal. nth extraordinary.
*my thinking part*
i think a lot. the proof? this post i'm writing. i dun understand myself sometimes either. but come to think of, why bother to think so much if you can pass your life living much simpler?
and people changed. realised that tad much. people around me are all growing, much to our dismay or joy. i shud start my own path (how dramatic) before starting to lag behind. however, even while i'm saying this, i realise i had changed somehow too. for better or for worse, it's my life. as long as i'm happy everything shud be fine.
you noe, i tot of this one thing recently. about me goin to malacca studying. there's lots of disagreement. and i could conclude that the reason of me ending at MMU is an accident.
a good accident, in my case.
no matter how anyone may say, i feel i did the right choice. like the RIGHTEST choice in my life. if i never went, and was still stuck in this living hole of hell, i would be better off dead.
Seriously.
how can i survive eighteen years before, i wonder. the rate i'm dreading here every second every minute, one would had tot this is jail or wat. even 10 days seems forever. time pass like it's crawling or wat.
to be exact, the ONLY reason why i love to come back is friends. (sounds selfish)
also, the ONLY reason why i am back at all is, i HAD to.
mind my words. not WANT to, but HAD to.
at the age of nineteen (so old..), for me to said all the above is selfish, almost horrible, terrible and incorrigible. but, i meant wat i said. one would have tot, "aiya, u still small. still not matured enough that's why you said so. you noe how much your parents did tis n tat. li n la.."
but you noe, whatever that makes you happy. you can think what you like but, i think YES. i hate it here. hate from the deepest core of my bone (tong hen ru gu). hmm..mayb not that hateful sometimes. but most of the time, YES.
on a much selfish tone, i noe it's my parents (dad actually) after all who are sponsoring my studies over that at malacca. if they see this i'm doom. sure kick me back bp. i'm thankful for the money they are investing. and i'm thankful i'm tat selfish in the first place that i had insisted of studying anywhere NOT IN BP!
and had a life better, than if you compare to what i'm living thru in bp now. if i'd stayed here, i might have runaway, like my maid. HAhaha..
details of what make me feel, think n react like that to parents, mum especially, i'll just leave it out. if u noe me well, u shud noe why. it goes without saying. just have to have a wilder and more colourful dictorative imagination to understand.
p/s: i'm ok now. you noe, sometimes i said something out of blue and that is now.
p/p/s: countdown! six more days to my freedom! (i'm hopeless. haha..)
p/p/p/s: i still have many different sides, but next time mayb :)
