i dunno whether it is the hormone raging in me, or the mind-numbing headache or all purely my own disillusionment. i cant sleep.
i hate insomnia. i hate how i wanted to sleep so much yet i cant. and when i cant sleep, like halfway in the middle of my lectures, my eyelids will automatically close itself. do i have no control over my own body?
stress leads to insomnia. my last final exam was such a torture. especially since all the papers were crammed all together. leaving me without any space to breathe. and the thing about insomnia, it ALWAYS happen when i have exam the next day. and when the next day happen to be exam free, i sleep like a log. one moment i was lying on the bed, the next its already early next morning and i'm still feeling not enuf sleep.
thinking of being insomnia now is enuf to make me feel stressful. thinking of the long nighs when i turn and toss and cant sleep a wink til early morning. sometimes i cant even slp the whole night. but i cant afford not to sleep. i have exams and i'm so scare i cant do well and flunk the whole thing. i'm so fucking scared the my-head-all-blank thing to happen to me if i dont close my eyes and fucking sleep now. i popped panadols one after another. i wished for sleeping pills to let my subconscious take over.
i guess stressing myself to sleep didnt help much either. it just worsen the situation.
now i'm dreading the next exams. dreading of sleepless night. i told mr.v so. he said its all myself. me. me yes ME. i'm the one making my life a hell. its all me. sigh i noe somehow i'm the cause for all these.. but what can i do? i dunno what to do!!! how do one fall asleep anyway?
and why am i lamenting all this? cos my head pains so much i cant sleep. logically. i shud be able to sleep well since i does not have anything stressful tomorrow. shud be sweet dreams all the way.
but my head really pains so much now. i am hoping after i blurt out all the junk inside i may find inner peace. anyway, its the loneliness thingy again. i need my darlin now. NOW!
goodnight folks.
