its the much hated exam season again. i just had my first paper this afternoon. the night before i was so stressed out i could not understand anything i read. that is really.... how to say. i had been through alot of stressed out period. but normally i treat the stress thing as a source to make myself study harder and get better grades. and as i slowly read and understand more, i noe this sounds weird, but i gained a sense of satisfaction and this will boost my confidence. and i get engrossed to the study material and forgot all about the unproductive stress. but now? i dunno.. i cant seem to get my old me back. i miss my old self.. the one who turns stress into substantial motivation and would try her very best.

i cant seem to concentrate. once a while i'll be happy to find myself engrossed and yay! i am back to being me. awhile later..i found myself having headaches and thinking profusely about the load of stuff i haven read and touch. and make myself all unhappy, stress, and mind swaying, concentrating less and head pain heart pain :(

and worst of all. imsomniac. my last final was hell. i cant seem to forget the period and it seems to be haunting me. maybe its really me myself thinking too much. maybe it is the stress. i dunno why.. i cant sleep during exam period. last time, it was only the day before any paper. now..its like some day yes some day no. and thinking whether i can fall asleep tonight to get my needed sleep in order to read more tomoro is making me even more stressful.

why is this so? am i getting older? i cant take more? like how they say younger people have better learning capabilities.

there's this one night i was so tired. like so so tired. and the weather is super good. i cant sleep the whole fucking night! i listen to the rain pitter patter. then the lightning came, followed by thunders. and when all subside, I AM STILL FUCKING AWAKE.

it is not i didnt try. i tried! like fuck i tried. this trying thing is even more emotional drain then reading my exam. want to sleep but cant sleep. who can take that??

anyway, after that night i get some sleepy flu pills. to pull me through night like does.. and i just had half a pill. and waiting the effect to come take me to slumberland. and i cant effort to wake mr.v up everytime i cant sleep. that would be so unfair and selfish.

i noe its the same drama. i hate it. i just need a place to drain out all this rubbish. nite.